Choices

I watch this program where an ice climber is on the side of a mountain.  I think, that guy is nuts!!  I realize, it’s the middle of the program.  What I have missed, his climbing partner lies at the bottom of the mountain, dead.  How awful, frightening and sad.  As he narrates the experience, he begins to unfold what kept him going.  He was in trouble, he had to make a choice; try to get out of this situation or join his friend.  He pushes himself, he perseveres. 

A rafter is heading down the Grand Canyon.  He gets flipped off of his raft.  He pulls himself to safety, as his raft meanders on.  He is all alone.  Stuck.  He has to make a choice; try to get out of this situation or give up.  He persists with determination. 

What does it take to survive these unbelievable experiences?  From what the men shared, it takes a decision, the decision you are not going to give up. 

Over the past 7 years, I feel like I have been hanging on the side of a cliff and raft-less in the rapids.  How am I going to survive this mission, this Autism?  At some point, when you are hanging on by a thread, you have to decide to make a move, change what you are doing, and you have to choose to survive the anguish, the pain, the frustration and the challenge.  I make this choice, but the difficulty does not go away.  I embrace love, Alyssa’s love, as my tool to make things different and I make the choice…  I can’t give up, I won’t allow myself to!  I persevere!  I must!  I persist determinedly, steadily, despite the problems and/or difficulties.  

Extremist’s go beyond the limits to see beauty.  I feel as though I am on an extreme hike.  It started out hours, then a couple days, then many days, and turned into years.   This hike is beginning to express a picture.  I am now able to see the beauty all around me.  I make it to the top of the mountain and the landscape view is breathtaking.  My Alyssa is breathtaking!  She is everything and so much more.  I never dreamt the view could be this beautiful.  There is so much to see and endless limits to what I can learn. 

Autism…. this is a fight I cannot lose, it’s not a choice and I won’t give up.  I will push myself beyond every limit and then give more.  Eventually, I hope to come out of this one.  I want to succeed.  I want to exclaim, “I did it!!”  I will rejoice in this experience and offer up my fight to give hope to others.  I will gain the experience.  And, I will live inside the beauty.  I will survive.

Thank you for reading and have a great week!  Angie