Wednesday, September 28, 2011


At times, Alyssa will look so deeply into my eyes, I feel like I can see the words pressing on her pupils, trying to escape.  I don’t know what the words were going to be, but I can see her attempt, her effort and sometimes her frustration.  If only it was easier for her!  I believe her mind works like a computer – highly intelligent, with programming glitches.  When asking Alyssa a question, you can almost see the question going into her mind, but then, her mind becomes scrambled, preventing her from being able to produce the words she wants to use.  I believe she has the words to express herself; they are just not easily accessible for her.

To be in her world for a day would be so enlightening.  I sometimes wish I could look at the world through her eyes, so I could understand what she sees and how it feels.  Remember the game Pictionary, where you have a team member draw a picture that describes the answer to the Pictionary card?  That game is crazy.  I have played before and been so incredibly far from decoding the drawing and at other times had the answer almost the second the drawing began.  I think of what it must be like for Alyssa to communicate.  I imagine her with no pen to draw the picture and no spoken words to express her desires.  This makes me realize, I am quite blessed to have the ability to write and speak.  I don’t know what I would do if those abilities went away.  I can only think how proud I am of Alyssa because she is handling her world better than I would ever be able to. 

Alyssa is genuinely happy.  In fact, her spirit is delightful.  She loves to be tickled.  She gives the best hugs.  These expressions of laughter and love don’t require words, they come from the heart.  The unspoken and most beautiful language is what we see coming from the heart.  It’s honest, natural and pure.  I am in awe at Alyssa.  As I have shared before, she is a wonderful teacher.  She illustrates what is truly important and keeps me on track.  Maybe all the words and all the communication don’t matter so much. 

Recently, Alyssa has been able to say “I need it open”.  It’s kind of funny because she says it a lot.  It has become a universal pathway for her to let me know she wants something.  It doesn't necessarily mean that the "something" will need to be "opened", per say.  It’s just the words she is able to express to let me know she wants or needs something.  It’s pretty cool.  The best part, I get it.  I hope, as the picture is becoming clearer, this new pathway leads her to opening the flood gates of language.  As I see her changes, her continued progress, I just have this feeling, from my gut, she is getting there.  What was once unspoken, will be.  For now, I am so proud to be Alyssa’s mom and to see how beautiful her heart is!  She is truly awesome!

Thank you for reading and have a great week!  Angie

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