Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Generous Love

A couple of weeks ago, I posted comments that were expressed, by some of my readers.  On that day, I was really struggling.  I went to the computer to write, but found myself nearly in tears, just from feeling exhausted.  I went to the emails, comments I have collected, and began to read.  The greatest thing about all those comments is how much of a difference they all made to me.  They picked me up and energized me, when I was feeling quite low.  You, my readers, who have said I have made a difference for you, I must say, have made a huge impact on me and I thank you! 

I have the most beautiful, loving, incredible daughter.  I have the most amazing, caring, spectacular people in my life.  I marvel in how fortunate I am.  I know there are many people out there who have extremely difficult circumstances, some of which I can deeply relate to, others of which are far harder than what I could ever understand.  Yet, I am on top of my game because of those who have picked me up, when I thought I wasn’t able to rise. 

I am sharing this because the honesty weighs on my heart.  I wish I could tell you, everyday was absolutely perfect, but that wouldn’t be quite true.  Some days are full of stumbling blocks, but I feel like I am gaining strength.  I am sure there is a lesson in all of my experiences; a lesson that teaches me, nothing is more important than love.  At the end of the day, this is what truly sustains me and brings me to feeling the depth of my happiness, even though the day may have been muddy.  All the little things that happen, they are just the reminder of how blessed I really am.

First thing in the morning yesterday, Alyssa was bouncing on her ball across the room and she simply stated, “I love you mommy, I love you daddy”.  The day prior was weighing heavily on my shoulders, but I realized, nothing about the day prior really mattered.  My little girl was expressing her love for me and this would certainly wipe away all the silly little things that have felt like road blocks, detours and unsurpassable mountains.  All those little things just don’t matter, when it really comes down to it.  Children with Autism are often referred to as children with special needs.  I can only confirm the special part.  She will go out of her way to check on me, to say hello to me and to share her love.  She is one of the special children God has brought to our world to show us all what is genuinely important. 

We can spend so much of a day in complete frustration and angst.  We are so privileged to have our life, to have love, to have one another…  It’s all good, maybe even great!!  I just want to thank all the people in my life, especially Alyssa, for making me realize, the only thing important here is love.  With that love, I truly think, I can conquer the obstacles I will have to encounter.

I am not sure why I got so lucky.  Yes, lucky!  I don’t feel lucky to have a child with Autism….. I feel lucky to have a child with a heart of gold who loves me without judgment or condition.  She offers her love generously.  If only, we could all love that way!  Today is a new day…  I will keep trying. 

Thank you for reading and have a great week!  Angie

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